I am of What the Cosmos Are Made Of

No picture to share but I saw a shooting star. Is that even “photographical”? I don’t know but I immediately felt a sense of oneness with it, sigh of breath, magical. 

A home out within infinite space, yes I’m missing that place. 

Where we all sparkle.

Remember Self-Care

I woke up gasping, crying out for you the other night, yet during the day I guess I forget to cry.

My therapist says it makes sense. I’m too busy throughout the day to grieve, but I’m always speaking out loud to you… 

and it’s okay to cry says the therapist and even my soul but nowadays I only cry when I dream of you while I’m learning how to adjust to a life physically without you, somehow that too seems cruel…

Things my therapist says…

My Last Words Will Always Be I Love You

With her eyes closed never to open again

She speaks, she says, I love you too.

She soothed my soul forever with those lasting three words. 

May I never forget to tell you how much you’re loved, no matter how long I’ve known you

A minute, 3 weeks, or all of my life

I’ll always depart with I love you. 
-Amber Choisella 

Love Advice From Babe

Babe, how did you know Grandpa was “The One” I asked her.

She said, I knew he was the one by the way that he provided for me. He took care of me, that’s how I knew.

That’s how I knew he was the one.

I never need to ask he always knows what to do and what I need almost telepathically, no not materialistically and that’s the difference between a partner and a boyfriend… need more of an explanation, no problem I’ll be happy to explain.

Partnerships are an equal exchange of many sorts, yet most importantly they’re your biggest support. Uplifting you along the way, no cracks within the sidewalks, always available to wipe your tears, there with you to fight your fears, and most importantly loves you unconditionally, faithfully, and honestly. Relationships are work but more of a growth than an upkeep. He’s not perfect nor do I need him to be. At most he’s the best for me.

Thanks Babe, now I understand. I love that you had a chance to meet and spend sometime with him and I. Because of you, I know the meaning of love both self and towards loving others.

I miss you. I love you.

Babe.jpg
Babe, my Queen.

Swimming Beside Fish

You know, I could pop a pill or two,  take a drink or two, or maybe smoke a blunt or two, not to erase my sorrows but to sink further within them…. it’s tempting

YET, because of his love for me he knew where I needed to be… out within the trees, allowing me to breathe, climbing underneath a bridge of the trail to a creek. So I can go beneath and cry…

Re-taught me how to swim, he helped me find my equilibrium.

In Passing…

Breaths are a major part of our existence, if you didn’t know

It brings life and energy.

It allows us to transcend and leave, whether temporarily or permanently.

And it’s never easy but necessary and still we grieve…

Numbness, exhaustion, this will never end

So don’t fear it. Accept and move within it for it’s only inevitable.

Inhale, exhale, leave one existence and continue onward within the next

Sooner than later I’ll see you again…

 

Amber Choisella

For The World

And I’ve always felt different I never felt like I have a really belonged anywhere so I’ve always been within myself.Yet it hasn’t really been a problem until I start to speak my truth, my beliefs then I’m attacked or so it seems. 

I don’t know, all I see is people killing people, humans killing humans and for what exactly? 

Color, religion, sexual orientation, money ? It’s all wrong so wrong. And at the end of the day who wins? No one.

All this division all the separation for what, no real concrete reason? It’s just back and forth and back and forth no real solution no real resolution we must come together it’s the only conclusion. 

Anger fuels anger when is it going to stop we’re killing each other,

we’re killing the World. 

When will the World fully wake up and realize this? All the answers live within our God-Consciousness. I pray for the world, I send healing energy to the World for its people because I know one day they’ll come to see, they’ll come to see. 

Tears of the World

And when the World wept its tears were clear. 

It looked exactly like theirs, mine,  and them. 

So we all grieve the same… imagine that. 

Amber Choisella 

Tears of the World

And when the World wept its tears were clear. 

It looked exactly like theirs, mine,  and them. 

So we all grieve the same… imagine that. 

Amber Choisella 

The First Day of Summer

The light was green, 4am, I knew it was ok to proceed,

your screams I will never forget, our bodies jolted, slightly twisted

In less than 10 seconds we were crashed,

oh the adrenaline took hold as I climbed and blasted myself from the wreckage

Police and the lights, as the witness and suspect stay at the scene

You were taken away, front seat of the 5-0  I be, one step in the ER and I drop

down to my knees and the pain is unbearable

Hours passed, mother by my side, after the Norcos and Morphine

I find myself by your side

You kiss my forehead and tell me not to cry, you love me, before you leave goodbye

That was our last hoorah together…

Happy Birthday Grandpa

 

Amber Choisella