Trauma, Psilocybin, and Healing

Abuse is never to okay but the experience alone is only inspired for growth. At the age of 18 I met a guy who I had no interest in building a long term fulfilling relationship with, yet he was right on time on this journey I call life. Michael was not my type, we had nothing really in common with one another but he was obsessed with me and at the tender age of 18 I felt intrigued by that. I felt a drawing to his “need” for me. I am a nurturer and it was as if he knew that and never wanted to let go. The relationship was very tumultuous, draining, and I become someone I didn’t even know. I started to mirror his behaviors and I became a monster. It was my only defensive mechanism against him. The cheating, hitting, the emotional lacerations that never were allowed to heal, to the moments I felt like I would die without him, without the dysfunction that became my normality.

Broken people hurt and break other people. With that said, it was a vicious cycle that ended in a physical altercation with one of the mother of his children, consistent harassment and attacks, which ultimately led to a 5 year restraining order. Fast forward to 7 years later, when I felt a strong desire to trek onto a psilocybin journey and so I did. The journey began with feelings that came up from the traumatic history I had with him and initially I was frustrated because I didn’t want this to be a bad trip and it wasn’t. I journeyed onward past him but that’s another story. If you want to read the rest about my trip check out My Psilocybin Trip. Anyways, so I haven’t seen him since I had him served with a restraining order and I thought everything had been worked through but I was wrong because the next day when I walked directly past him, even with a strong and seemingly nonchalant face, my inside was chaotic, spewing swords and stones, and so it was I broke down. Not because I realized I had feelings for him but because of the releasing I was still doing. The psilocybin uncovered the trauma and brought it to the surface and the Universe allowed us to cross each other presenting an opportunity to heal.

Will I ever forget all that he did to me, no, am I able to forgive myself for the mirroring that I did within the relationship and harm that I had done, yes. Since I do I have a clinical counseling background in addition to attending counseling myself, I understand that broken people hurt and break other people and then I entered into a space of loving-kindness. Loving self is more than just individual, it’s the ability to forgive yourself and others and be able to see others as another soul just trying to stay on track of their own soul contract, their own reasoning for incarnation. I’m by no means stating that abuse is okay because it’s not; understanding where you stand in all the chaos and finding your strength, ability, and wisdom out of the situation is the most fulfilling lesson, in hindsight. Psilocybin granted passage for me to heal trauma and release energy that was no longer needed within my root and sacral chakras. Healing is powerful, you are powerful, never forget your origins. You are of the Universe Baby, remember that always.

 

*Inserted a picture of driving through Washington state for its tranquility.

If I’m Gonna Be Trained for Reiki I Better Know How It Feels First… Right?

It felt amazing. I had my first healing session of Reiki today and I have to admit I did not anticipate on feeling so tired afterwards, honestly. So before I tell you the after effects let me tell you the story first.

I am training as a counselor here in Sacramento, CA and the site that I’m with, my supervisor happens to be a Reiki Master. This is a fact that I have recently just found out, but it’s another colleague of mine who performed reiki today. She rents a room in the office to perform Reiki for clients (outside of the mental health counseling field). I asked for a session since she will also be training me as well. She is a Reiki Master too. It’s so interesting that this is the route I’m going now, because it appears it’s what’s surrounding me right now. Ok ok, now the session…

I had an hour session. She asked what areas I wanted more attention on and I told her to focus more on my throat and sacral areas. I asked for my ancestors, loved ones, and Guardian Angels to come in and assist as well. I started to feel the energy as soon as she started. Once she made it to my lower chakras I immediately felt the strong urge to urinate, as if I had been holding it forever so we took a break and I ran to the bathroom to relieve my bladder and the released energy my body was no longer holding onto. I went back into the room and when we started up again, I felt a strong chill from the top of my head straight down to the bottom of my feet, multiple times. Following this sensation I felt the presence of other healers working on me as well, I felt that they were ancestral, but that was all the information I received. I didn’t question it, I just accepted the flow and everything that was happening within and beside me. I also had a flashback to a past life of when I was in Ancient Egypt. I was looking up at a wall made out of gold. I did not see any hieroglyphics but it felt familiar and then I was back in the present moment. When she was done with the healing she informed me that she too picked up some past life stuff relating to my sacral chakra and felt the energy of my ancestors as well during the healing session.

As I said before, this was an amazing experience. Which leads me to my previous question, how am I going to be trained for energy healing if I’ve never experienced it, that’s not honest, in my eyes. I am so excited and on board with this journey that I’m embarking upon consistently. I have started my E-book, The 5 Keys to Becoming Spiritually Confident, so please be on the lookout for it very soon!

Love and Light my Friends!

Reiki
Photo of Reiki found online 

 

My Psilocybin Trip

 

Tripping

Yesterday I experienced my first solo trip via psilocybin aka the Magic Mushroom. I had no expectations and was accepting of everything I would endure. Weeks prior I had purchased an 1/8th of mushroom which is really about 5 or 6 stems. I kept them until I felt it was the right time to and the feeling came yesterday. I received an energetic healing through the use of light language from my previous post Healing Through Meditation, Light Language, and Isis’s Gift. The healing basically cleared out my solar plexus. I had issues from past life traumas that needed to be released. During my trip I released even more blockages.

When I ingested my first few stems it was 5:15pm and after waiting an hour and not feeling anything I decided to take the remaining stems. I decided to lay down besides the love of my life who was currently doing his homework. He had previously agreed to watch over me and make sure I made it through the trip. I started feeling cold I decided to turn on the portable heater and lay in front of it and that’s where my trip began. Immediately started to cry uncontrollably because I was experiencing the pain of my first long term relationship. I felt all the pain as if it had just been felt. My love found me on the floor and carried me to bed where I sat up in bed and experienced what felt like past life and inter-dimensional experiences. What I mean by inter-dimensional is situations and circumstances that were occurring, have occurred, or what could have occurred simultaneously. I felt the loss of my Grandmother and fell into a deep brief sorrow when he grabbed me and held me talking me through the experience. I saw the plants in our bedroom reaching out to me which did not disturb me, it made me feel like everything was a part of one another. I remember saying, “I’m okay and okay” for hours. I was receiving information and at times it felt overwhelming and I felt like I was in touch with the 3D reality then I was within another dimension the next second. It was very enlightening, very self-reflective.

I recommend anyone who wants to try this to have someone with them whom they trust wholeheartedly just in case the trip goes bad, because it’s possible. This was definitely a therapeutic experience, and I will treat it as one of enlightenment. It is a source of discovery given to humanity from the Earth. This is similar to the ceremonial process of Ayahuasca, from Indigenous Peruvian shamans in the Amazon. This is a sacred process and should always be treated as such.

Amber Choisella

Healing Through Meditation, Light Language, and Isis’s Gift

On Friday the 14th I took a brief hiking hiatus with one I call Auntie Judy. Auntie Judy is my best friend’s sister’s aunt who happens to be an amazing lightworker who is advanced in her abilities. She reached out to me on Thursday and asked if i would want to go on a early morning hike the next morning. Normally I’m hesitant because I see counseling clients every day before I go to work and I was worried I wouldn’t get back to the office in time, but I felt like I needed to go so I went. We hiked down to a lagoon and she performed healing on me implementing light language and inviting my guides and any beings that want to come in and help heal me. AnkhLight language is an universal language that differs depending on the origin of spiritual entity that is assisting with healing process. Auntie Judy  informed me that different entities that were present for my healing involved fairies, Archangel Metatron and Archangel Raphael, a Pleiadian guide, an Arcturian, and the Egyptian Goddess Isis. With each energy the flow of the language changed. The language is difficult to explain but it’s made of different sounds and frequency of hums.

I had some past life trauma located in my solar plexus which was affecting me in this lifetime. I sat on a rock and closed my eyes while Auntie Judy invited energetic beings from the higher realms and of higher vibration to come in and assist me in healing. During the healing I saw blackness coming out of my  3rd chakra and envisioned electric yellow replacing the darkness; it was then that Auntie Judy informed me that Isis was coming in and presented a gift of the Ankh to me, placing it directly in my 3rd chakra. She admitted this is something she has never seen before and encouraged me to research and meditate on the meaning of the symbol. The Ankh symbolizes eternal life and signifies wisdom in addition to insight on the highest level. Wisdom and insight are two keys that I am actively always trying to obtain because knowledge is power!

Amber Choisella

Praying for Humanity

There is no real separation among mankind besides the separation we create around us. The chaos, the loss of blood is from us to us. This is the time to awaken and unite to raise consciousness. Pray for Humanity, for praying brings an abundance of healing and forgive man for man knows not what he does.

My Experience with an Animal Intuitive 

Mendo has been the most unpredictable gift that I’ve received as of lately. He’s my Jorkie (Jack Russell & Yorkie mix) and I’ve grown to love him! 

I met Daisy at a psychic fair that I serviced and although I’ve only met her twice, it seemed as though I’ve known her for a very long time. So after some thought I reached out to her for a reading about Mendo and my past baby,  Mamas. The reading was INCREDIBLE.  Readings for animals is a different form of spiritual ability which is needed in the world. Animals give us humans life and some of us a purpose in this life. If you’re interested in knowing what your pet wants to say I highly recommend Daisy. She can be reached through her website Animal Mystic.  

Daisy is also a Reiki Master; a woman with versatile spiritual attunement!

Bow & Arrow Message

Today I spoke as a student medium presenting information about spirit communication at my church. My pastor asked me to present last month but that was during the time my grandmother was getting ready to transition, so she scheduled me for a later date, which was today. Last month a woman I had yet to meet reached out to me through my Meetup.com account page for Central Spiritualist Church, the church in which I belong to. She had told me that she read that I would be presenting and wanted to see me. Sadly I told her my circumstances and told her I hope to see her in the future as a guest at one of our Sunday services and that was that. Well she was there today, and for her this post pertains to.

Jerri, gave me a boost of confidence and reassurance that I’m on the right path even after I delivered her message from Spirit. After I presented my talk on spirit communication Pastor asked if I would work (give brief spirit messages) during the spirit greetings aspect of service, and I was more obliged to. Jerri was the  first message I gave. I told her that when I briefly meditated upon her I saw a bow and arrow  and that I saw an arrow being ejected towards a target which was on a tree. The arrow hit the target directly in the center which was an impression that what she was going through was of significance to the Earth plane and that everything was going to be alright. Her face was stoic and never changed, so I wasn’t sure if what I brought her resonated with her as truth or not but I gave her what I received and moved on and continued working.

After service Jerri approached me and told me that I was spot on with my message. She told me that her father was of Native American descent and that he owned a company in which he made bows and arrows and that she recently made a life decision that she was worried that she made not had made the right decision but after hearing what I said to her she knew that she had and that I had come in contact with her father’s energy so she knew she would be alright.

My mouth dropped, literally. I couldn’t believe it! I couldn’t believe she came to hear me speak and that what I told her was spot on! I love how Spirit works through me. There’s a great satisfaction in doing this type of work…. I feel honored to share my abilities with others because I know that I am fulfilling my soul’s mission! In sharing and helping others I am in turn helping myself. This is part of my healing journey. I love who I am and what I am continuously growing to be!

 

My best friend and her sister came to support me and brought me these beautiful roses!
Standing and presenting on platform, promise my eyes were opened lol!

I found a piece of myself in British Columbia 

Vancouver never forgot about me and I shall never forget the city that hwy 5 runs up north to. Spirit told me months prior that I would be going to Vancouver and for awhile I fought against it but what’s meant to be will always be. I flew out of Sacramento into Seattle not knowing how this trip would turn out and I didn’t let it worry me. I arrived in Seattle and settled in my room. In the middle of the night I heard my name, loud, clear, and speaking with a feminine tone. I woke up confused because I was the only person in my room, yet I felt protected because I knew Spirit was with me. In the morning I got my things together got on the shuttle back to SeaTac (airport) to get my rental car and head north to Vancouver. Driving up I decided to listen to Esperanza Spalding because her music spoke to me at this moment in my life. Jazz hits me that way. She plays a role in my memory for this particular day. Yes, I spent a day, rather a few hours in Vancouver itself but nonetheless it was the journey that made everything what it was.

 

Passing the border seem to take forever and the officers are never “nice”. Once I was officially on Canadian soil I went and exchanged some money and then headed to the University of British Columbia where I had planned on spending my time. I had researched and saw a garden on campus and felt drawn there. Upon my first exit entering into the city I drove past a pillar that read, “The meaning of life is Love”, and I checked in my rear view mirror to make sure it was clear, it was, so I reversed and took a picture, which is above, knowing that this was a sign of synchronicity that I was on the right path.

Japanese Zen Garden, UVBC

Not realizing the garden I was going to ended up being a Japanese Zen Garden I fell in love with the serenity of the garden. It was then I put on my IPod and began listening to Espe when the song Apple Blossom feat Milton Nascimento came on and I found myself sitting in the gazebo in a meditation. There I was, a foreigner, alone, and unbothered, meditating in a gazebo listening to Esperanza Spalding, just living in the moment….

So I know you’re wondering, what is it that I found in British Columbia, well I’ll tell you…. I learned to rely on and trust in Spirit. Trust in the process of how this thing called life and development works. After my time spent in Vancouver I drove 5 hours south down to Portland, Oregon for my aunt’s 50th birthday party and there I met one of my soul mates. I noticed him and he noticed me but time later told us that we rejoined each other for lessons learned. I helped him through defeating an addiction and he helped me believe further into faith when he was diagnosed with testicular cancer. He currently has 2 more chemo treatments to go and he’s been ever so positive throughout the entire process. And to think I would have never known him unless I had ventured out into British Columbia.

Amber Choisella 💖

Paradise
Apple Blossom & Meditation

Combining Spiritualism & Metaphysics for Counseling and Healing

Throughout my life I always felt different and separated from the mainstream of society. I never conformed because it just never felt like it was something for me to do. When I was 23 year young I came across a Spiritualist church in the Sacramento area. I didn’t know what to expect but was open to the new experience. From the moment I stepped in the service I found a home I had been searching for. After a few months of attending I decided to join the church and began taking Mediumship courses under the Morris Pratt Institute educational courses. My goal was and is still to possess a certificate in Mediumship. Since I am a life learner certificates, diplomas, and degrees are always worthwhile to pursue. This course is not easy. I’ll talk about this process in another blog, I’m getting side tracked as I often do…. but yes, Spiritualists hold strong to their beliefs and do not believe in engaging in any other source than from Spirit for spiritual guidance. That means no tarot/oracle card readings, no palm readings, or astrological readings, because they DO NOT CONSTITUTE THE EXISTENCE OF LIFE AFTER DEATH. I can dig that.

A Spiritualist as defined by the National Spiritualist Association of Churches (NSAC) Spiritualism Defined as

“one who believes, as the basis of his or her religion, in the communication between this and the Spirit World by means of mediumship and who endeavors to mould his or her character and conduct in accordance with the highest teachings derived from such communication”.

This is what I believe, but it is not all that I accept as my truth. See, I never want to be set in one particular area because they’re so much more to learn. So much more to learn that I’m always hoping to learn truth that I feel resonates with my higher self. I didn’t have to search for too long before I was introduced to the subject of Metaphysics.

Metaphysics as defined by the University of Metaphysics (which I am a student of) states

“The word Metaphysics comes to us from Ancient Greece, a combination of two words: Meta meaning over or beyond and physics meaning the physical, material world.  Thus, the combination refers to such concerns that are beyond or transcend the material world. In the common way of speaking, such questions are considered religious, spiritual, or possibly philosophical, depending on the person asking them.Metaphysics contributes a fundamental level of understanding derived from experience and advanced intuitive knowing on how things “really are.” However, when considered from the spiritual perspective, Metaphysics is not only the pursuit of Truth; it also offers service to the greater good of humankind.”

Metaphysics on the contrary supports other instrumental tools for spirit communication because of the philosophy behind the instruments being used. Instruments as earlier described, palm reading, tarot/oracle reading, and etc.

So how can these two be combined to service others one might ask? Both constitute and demonstrate spiritual perspectives in how they serve others, yet one is more stringent than the other and neither one is better than the next it just really depends on the community and what the needs are in terms of spiritual needs. Like I said before, I need to have options and knowledge galore. I love both concepts and plan to incorporate both when I enter into the world of mental health counseling after graduation  some day in the future. I can see it happening, it will happen! That is called affirmative thinking, a metaphysical concept!

If you’ve liked what you read please free feel to comment, and stay tuned for more posts on Spiritualism & Metaphysics, thanks for the read!

Donner Summit, California

When in doubt hike it out. Soul discovering journey…. walking my way through enlightenment.

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Trailhead in Truckee
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Baby Waterfall
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Life and Nature
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Chinese Tunnels Graffiti

Amber Choisella