I’ve been having dreams as of lately (this past Friday 3/2) of my family that made it possible for me to be and it has left an emotional mark on me. My grandparents basically raised me but unlike a lot of grandparents who raised their grandchildren, my parents were also in the picture, so really it was an entire family raising my sister and I. My grandparents though, we the definition of a loving relationship, what a real marriage looks like. In every picture taken my Grandmother is always looking at my Grandfather with such love, no wonder why I love that way that I do. These are my maternal grandparents. If you’ve been following me for a while or from the beginning you would know how much my Grandmother’s presence in my life greatly impacted me. It will be two years in August that she has transitioned back to Spirit and 8 years for my Grandfather, yet when I’m going through a really hard time I feel their presence ever so strongly.
On Friday I woke up crying from a dream about my Grandparents. I woke up in grief. In my dream I was in a fairly large house full of chaos and I wanted to see my Grandfather. I found my Grandmother and asked her where he was and she told me he had “gone home to Louisiana”.
I called him and pleaded with him at this point to come back because I needed him and all he said was that he was home and he couldn’t be where I was anymore. Shortly after that my Grandmother informed that she too would be going home soon. I tried to process this while I was asleep but I woke up to a wet pillow. I’m currently in a state of transition, trying to figure out what is the best fit for me, what it looks like and what it feels like. It’s difficult to process and I’ve been really struggling with it now and of lately. The rest of the day I was depressed and in mourning because I miss being able to go to my Grandmother for a hug or a smile but whenever I’ve ever really needed her she’s always been available for me and that has never stopped. I’ve thankful to be so intuned to Spirit because I need to know that my Grandmother has never left me, her Spirit is the most important to me; soul mate connection.
Abuse is never to okay but the experience alone is only inspired for growth. At the age of 18 I met a guy who I had no interest in building a long term fulfilling relationship with, yet he was right on time on this journey I call life. Michael was not my type, we had nothing really in common with one another but he was obsessed with me and at the tender age of 18 I felt intrigued by that. I felt a drawing to his “need” for me. I am a nurturer and it was as if he knew that and never wanted to let go. The relationship was very tumultuous, draining, and I become someone I didn’t even know. I started to mirror his behaviors and I became a monster. It was my only defensive mechanism against him. The cheating, hitting, the emotional lacerations that never were allowed to heal, to the moments I felt like I would die without him, without the dysfunction that became my normality.
Broken people hurt and break other people. With that said, it was a vicious cycle that ended in a physical altercation with one of the mother of his children, consistent harassment and attacks, which ultimately led to a 5 year restraining order. Fast forward to 7 years later, when I felt a strong desire to trek onto a psilocybin journey and so I did. The journey began with feelings that came up from the traumatic history I had with him and initially I was frustrated because I didn’t want this to be a bad trip and it wasn’t. I journeyed onward past him but that’s another story. If you want to read the rest about my trip check out My Psilocybin Trip. Anyways, so I haven’t seen him since I had him served with a restraining order and I thought everything had been worked through but I was wrong because the next day when I walked directly past him, even with a strong and seemingly nonchalant face, my inside was chaotic, spewing swords and stones, and so it was I broke down. Not because I realized I had feelings for him but because of the releasing I was still doing. The psilocybin uncovered the trauma and brought it to the surface and the Universe allowed us to cross each other presenting an opportunity to heal.
Will I ever forget all that he did to me, no, am I able to forgive myself for the mirroring that I did within the relationship and harm that I had done, yes. Since I do I have a clinical counseling background in addition to attending counseling myself, I understand that broken people hurt and break other people and then I entered into a space of loving-kindness. Loving self is more than just individual, it’s the ability to forgive yourself and others and be able to see others as another soul just trying to stay on track of their own soul contract, their own reasoning for incarnation. I’m by no means stating that abuse is okay because it’s not; understanding where you stand in all the chaos and finding your strength, ability, and wisdom out of the situation is the most fulfilling lesson, in hindsight. Psilocybin granted passage for me to heal trauma and release energy that was no longer needed within my root and sacral chakras. Healing is powerful, you are powerful, never forget your origins. You are of the Universe Baby, remember that always.
*Inserted a picture of driving through Washington state for its tranquility.
It felt amazing. I had my first healing session of Reiki today and I have to admit I did not anticipate on feeling so tired afterwards, honestly. So before I tell you the after effects let me tell you the story first.
I am training as a counselor here in Sacramento, CA and the site that I’m with, my supervisor happens to be a Reiki Master. This is a fact that I have recently just found out, but it’s another colleague of mine who performed reiki today. She rents a room in the office to perform Reiki for clients (outside of the mental health counseling field). I asked for a session since she will also be training me as well. She is a Reiki Master too. It’s so interesting that this is the route I’m going now, because it appears it’s what’s surrounding me right now. Ok ok, now the session…
I had an hour session. She asked what areas I wanted more attention on and I told her to focus more on my throat and sacral areas. I asked for my ancestors, loved ones, and Guardian Angels to come in and assist as well. I started to feel the energy as soon as she started. Once she made it to my lower chakras I immediately felt the strong urge to urinate, as if I had been holding it forever so we took a break and I ran to the bathroom to relieve my bladder and the released energy my body was no longer holding onto. I went back into the room and when we started up again, I felt a strong chill from the top of my head straight down to the bottom of my feet, multiple times. Following this sensation I felt the presence of other healers working on me as well, I felt that they were ancestral, but that was all the information I received. I didn’t question it, I just accepted the flow and everything that was happening within and beside me. I also had a flashback to a past life of when I was in Ancient Egypt. I was looking up at a wall made out of gold. I did not see any hieroglyphics but it felt familiar and then I was back in the present moment. When she was done with the healing she informed me that she too picked up some past life stuff relating to my sacral chakra and felt the energy of my ancestors as well during the healing session.
As I said before, this was an amazing experience. Which leads me to my previous question, how am I going to be trained for energy healing if I’ve never experienced it, that’s not honest, in my eyes. I am so excited and on board with this journey that I’m embarking upon consistently. I have started my E-book, The 5 Keys to Becoming Spiritually Confident, so please be on the lookout for it very soon!
Yesterday I experienced my first solo trip via psilocybin aka the Magic Mushroom. I had no expectations and was accepting of everything I would endure. Weeks prior I had purchased an 1/8th of mushroom which is really about 5 or 6 stems. I kept them until I felt it was the right time to and the feeling came yesterday. I received an energetic healing through the use of light language from my previous post Healing Through Meditation, Light Language, and Isis’s Gift. The healing basically cleared out my solar plexus. I had issues from past life traumas that needed to be released. During my trip I released even more blockages.
When I ingested my first few stems it was 5:15pm and after waiting an hour and not feeling anything I decided to take the remaining stems. I decided to lay down besides the love of my life who was currently doing his homework. He had previously agreed to watch over me and make sure I made it through the trip. I started feeling cold I decided to turn on the portable heater and lay in front of it and that’s where my trip began. Immediately started to cry uncontrollably because I was experiencing the pain of my first long term relationship. I felt all the pain as if it had just been felt. My love found me on the floor and carried me to bed where I sat up in bed and experienced what felt like past life and inter-dimensional experiences. What I mean by inter-dimensional is situations and circumstances that were occurring, have occurred, or what could have occurred simultaneously. I felt the loss of my Grandmother and fell into a deep brief sorrow when he grabbed me and held me talking me through the experience. I saw the plants in our bedroom reaching out to me which did not disturb me, it made me feel like everything was a part of one another. I remember saying, “I’m okay and okay” for hours. I was receiving information and at times it felt overwhelming and I felt like I was in touch with the 3D reality then I was within another dimension the next second. It was very enlightening, very self-reflective.
I recommend anyone who wants to try this to have someone with them whom they trust wholeheartedly just in case the trip goes bad, because it’s possible. This was definitely a therapeutic experience, and I will treat it as one of enlightenment. It is a source of discovery given to humanity from the Earth. This is similar to the ceremonial process of Ayahuasca, from Indigenous Peruvian shamans in the Amazon. This is a sacred process and should always be treated as such.
On Friday the 14th I took a brief hiking hiatus with one I call Auntie Judy. Auntie Judy is my best friend’s sister’s aunt who happens to be an amazing lightworker who is advanced in her abilities. She reached out to me on Thursday and asked if i would want to go on a early morning hike the next morning. Normally I’m hesitant because I see counseling clients every day before I go to work and I was worried I wouldn’t get back to the office in time, but I felt like I needed to go so I went. We hiked down to a lagoon and she performed healing on me implementing light language and inviting my guides and any beings that want to come in and help heal me. Light language is an universal language that differs depending on the origin of spiritual entity that is assisting with healing process. Auntie Judy informed me that different entities that were present for my healing involved fairies, Archangel Metatron and Archangel Raphael, a Pleiadian guide, an Arcturian, and the Egyptian Goddess Isis. With each energy the flow of the language changed. The language is difficult to explain but it’s made of different sounds and frequency of hums.
I had some past life trauma located in my solar plexus which was affecting me in this lifetime. I sat on a rock and closed my eyes while Auntie Judy invited energetic beings from the higher realms and of higher vibration to come in and assist me in healing. During the healing I saw blackness coming out of my 3rd chakra and envisioned electric yellow replacing the darkness; it was then that Auntie Judy informed me that Isis was coming in and presented a gift of the Ankh to me, placing it directly in my 3rd chakra. She admitted this is something she has never seen before and encouraged me to research and meditate on the meaning of the symbol. The Ankh symbolizes eternal life and signifies wisdom in addition to insight on the highest level. Wisdom and insight are two keys that I am actively always trying to obtain because knowledge is power!
Hey everyone! It’s been a lllooooongg time since I’ve written anything but I’ve been busy creating my new business, The Free Spirited Spiritual Development and Coaching Program!!! Spirit told me that I was ready to go after the eclipse and I’ve hit the ground running ever since!!!
I have to say honestly, it’s been a sort of chain reaction type of event ever since the last psychic show I worked for. It was in June of this year when I met another vendor by the name of Michelle P. She asked for my business card and ended up calling me a week after the event. She asked if I had a mentor or a coach working with me and then she gave me a few names in my area that she knew who could help me build my business, this was the starting point! I contacted a woman named Katrina S who lived in the Sacramento area and I didn’t hear back from her for about a month. When she finally contacted me I forgot why I had reached out to her but I really liked her vibe. She apologized for not seeing my message sooner due to the fact that the message went to her spam folder unexpectedly. Divine timing if you ask me, because I was ready.
Had I not met Katrina I would know nothing about the huge benefits of networking, redesigning my website, the importance of email opt-in’s, and how to even develop a business and marketing plan! There’s a lot to learn when creating a business but then again I am my brand so it’s salient to get out into the community and meet referral sources, possible joint venture opportunities, and CLIENTS!
In offering a free psychic reading I bring forth the interest and it’s always exciting for me to bring forth information that I’m picking up from the sitter’s energy and from Spirit, but the working to transform, that’s where the most excitement lies for me! Teaching others about their spiritual origins and reminding their spirit of who they really are and what they are capable of is soooo fulfilling! I want to travel the country and the world educating and sharing with others; that will be my greatest desire with this business! Here’s to manifesting GREATNESS!!!
Everyday, I think about her everyday but when I woke up this morning my soul wept. It wept because it reminded this was the date that she made her transition, a year ago. We communicate with one another daily but it doesn’t change the fact she is no longer in this 3D form of existence.
A few days ago she told me that I need to go to church because I had been contemplating going on a solo hike, she insisted that I go to church instead, so I did. I was late but I got to service before it ended. Reverend was giving spirit greetings and within 5 minutes Spirit directed her to me. She immediately brought in my Grandmother and I just wept loudly. No one in service knew what today meant, no one. I’m not surprised either. As soon as I stepped into the church my vibrational frequency changed from a lower level to a higher loving level.
I spoke to the Reverend after church and she advised me to grab a white candle to acknowledge her day before going into a deep meditation. I brought the candle and have it lit next to her photo. I’m in bed now because grieving is exhausting but I’ll be okay. Her Spirit has never left me just her body, yet a part of me will always grieve her passing. Her Spirit is always with me but I’m still human.
I never thought this would be the last night I would spend with Babe on this 3D existence of life. Originally I had planned on spending the night along with my twin sister because now that Babe was on hospice we wanted to spend as much time with her that we could. Before arriving to the hospital I called the nurse’s station and requested for any extra pull out chair so that we both could spend the night but when I entered into the room there was only one. So I did what I always done I took a seat right next to Babe.
She was unconscious at this point but she looked like she was sleeping peacefully even sounded like she was snoring, but that sound was actually a sign of actively dying, which I found out later. I brought a Sylvie Brown book on life in the afterlife and started reading it to her. The photo below is a picture that my sister took while I was reading to her. It doesn’t look like it but Babe is laying in the bed comfortably underneath her blanket. It wasn’t an emotionally hard night for me surprisingly, we had been with her every night since we found out this would be her last stay in the hospital.
This was a Friday night however this began the following Thursday night. I had been pet sitting for my sister’s best friend and was waiting a long time to take the dog back to her parent’s house because my sister and I were flying up to Portland, OR to attend our cousin’s graduation from college. I ended up visiting my grandmother at 8:30pm. When I entered into the room I instantly knew something was wrong, very wrong. She didn’t look like herself and when I touched her she was clammy. She said her stomach hurt which wasn’t unusual but when she asked for a Kleenex to spit up in she threw up dark brown fluid, which was bile. I called for the CNA’s to help clean her up and in that very moment I experienced tunnel vision with Babe. Our soul’s communicated and she told me, “I’m done”, and I immediately started to cry. I heard her in my mind if that makes sense, and I knew then it was the beginning of the end of this journey for her and I both.
Around 12:30am on the 19th I decided to leave and go home. I got up out of my seat and came around the bed and held her bruised hand, and with my other free hand I wipe something from her face and kissed her on her forehead and said, “Ok Babe I’ll see you tomorrow when I spend the night”. I said goodnight to my sister and said “I love you Babe” and immediately I heard in my head, “I love you too”. I verbally recognized this my sister and told her that her spirit was still with her.
Three and a half hours later I received a call from my mother saying, “She’s gone, Mama’s gone”, the day my entire life changed.
Sign Up To Receive my FREE eBook: 5 Keys to Becoming Spiritually Confident!