Ode to Janel

We met in the fourth grade but fuuucckkk 27 years,  27 years isn’t long enough. 

I’m angry. I’m heartbroken. 

I’m a lot of things because I can’t understand why, but then again it’s not meant for me to. 

We spent a lot of time together in our early twenties. Smoked a lot of blunts together, now this letter or whatever this is just feels strange. 

I used to call your Mom, Mom and you showed me things in your culture, you talked to me about your secrets, and I never judged you for that. You never judged me for my shit and I would laugh and say, “that’s cuz you with the shit”. Now that’s it, in this realm anyway. 

You’re in a time and space where you’re anywhere and everywhere. A space where you’ll always be with your daughter and everyone else who loves you. 
The young and beautiful live forever; you’ll live forever in my spirit, until our next lifetime together. 

I love you. 

My Experience with Sensory Deprivation 

​Continuing my soul discovering journey…
Experienced my first session of sensory deprivation yesterday. Working in the field of mental health, I need to find a plethora of self-care techniques and I found one here! I laid in a pod of water filed with 1000 lbs of epson salt which automatically makes you float! The lid of the pod is closed and you float in the light with soft music in the background, or in the dark with silence, which is my preference! Also, if you’re into oxygen bars Float REST has them too! It’s relaxing, I like it! Definitely another venture of meditation, I highly recommend it! 

Always Present

It’s funny, I was sitting at a table with my best friend, while I was waiting to order a soda, and I said,  “I really miss my grandma, it’s hard to believe she’s really not here anymore”. Less than a minute later our server comes and the name on her name tag reads, Maddie. I asked her what it was short for and she said Madeline but spelled it Madelynn.

Thanks Babe I needed that sign. 

The Shift and What To Do When It’s Happening 

I have to be honest, it’s the next best thing other than  being nice right? 

I’ve been struggling. Ask me how I’m doing and I’ll tell you I’m struggling.

Homework is difficult because my job is difficult and I feel like everything is unraveling around me. I feel like maybe I’m really not cut out for this counseling thing, until a client came to me within her deepest despair and the counseling process opened up and started to flow out of me. Afterwards the client had told me that ever since they met me they knew I would be the one that they could come and talk to, and suddenly I started seeing the light breaking through the clouds.wp-1486026405935.png

I work for a non-profit crisis residential program with people who are currently in crisis come and stay 30 days to work on a treatment plan to live a better life essentially. These people are seriously unwell. So everyday I never know what I’m going to walk in to. My first month in and I already had a client file a grievance with me and I had to talk to the state investigator about it on my birthday, it was so nerve wratching! I’m learning that I can’t take anything personal but it’s HARD. I just want to counsel people but I did need to experience this side of the field too. I’m thankful for the job, I’m just needing to bring in my spiritual care if not I’ll digress quickly…..

The Shift is  occurring within and around us and it’s effecting everything and everyone, so what do you do? I work on my spiritual health to keep me going. Due to the stress and anxiety I’ve dealing with school and work I need something that intervenes and helps my soul and it’s this, this what I’m doing right, sharing my story to someone who might care….I care, I had to let it go, all the unwanted, all the uninvited energies, I had to let them go. A sweet woman I call Auntie Judy knew of my struggles  and she asked if she could give me a spiritual healing using light language. It’s the language that only the soul can understand. Immediately I felt better. She advised me to have a black tourmaline stone with me at all times because this stone grounds me and protects my spirit from negative energies. I bought a chakra bracelet and a small bad to carry certain stones to help my aura cleanse itself and to not keep any unwanted energy, yes the stone will help with all of that! 

I also take bubble baths with blessed salt to cleanse my spirit. These techniques really do help bring me back to balance. The picture below is my small temple. I have Ganesh protecting Babe’s picture in the middle, a cookie fortune that says, well I don’t honestly know at the moment, another stone I can’t remember and a larger piece of Black Tourmaline. Inside are the many different crystals I carry on the daily for spiritual protection and ascension. Even with the darkest days spirituality is still everything to me!

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Babe will always be the center of my heart.