Rendezvous

Hopeless and stuck within myself
all the while
Knowing this moment is for
Learning and growing, yet I feel lost

Without a cost you,
YOU lifted me
You enlightened me,  you saved me
From the abyss within…
My bliss

Your love will always save me.

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Lessons Downtown

Downtown we walk, in love, in sync

Until HATE speaks. Ignorance doesn’t like that  we don’t look like

we should match, yet before I can think I inadvertently speak

Which doesn’t make me any before than thee…..

Grad School, I Thought We Were Friends

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At first we had a great relationship. You began presenting new perspectives, I was always eager to make new discoveries, and I met some amazing folks because of you, yet I’m just about ready to move on from you.

Straight A’s come at a cost,  I knew that going in but I didn’t anticipate you robbing me of my sanity… spending 32-40 hrs a week for assignments yet I’m not getting paid any extra than my 8-5, yet I still call you a friend.

I’m ready to finish and graduate to work in my career, to help others,  to say,  yes I am Amber Choisella, LPCC (Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor). I can’t even focus on my Metaphysical Counseling Master’s program because I’m completely and totally hopelessly devoted to you. An unrequited love.

-Rant of a tired and rundown grad student

Jupiter and I

If I had to go through it all again just to be able to match your vibration

Just to be able to create this perfect manifestation, Love of my Life, you know that I would.

Let’s just lay down without a blanket and watch Jupiter race across the skies, just you and I

I could die tomorrow and know deep in my soul that I was loved, it is you who have given me this gift, let’s drift to a space where there is no time, within every life time, it will be you I’ll always love.

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Love of My Life

Amber Choisella❤

Your Ashes Feel Like Home.

Your ashes came in a box today. The woman behind the counter just handed over the box as if YOU weren’t in there. We ride home together and I’m talkin to you because I feel you there.

We get home and I take you out of the box and there your physical resides. You sat inside of the squared box urn and it’s still surreal.

YOU’re not in the box, your Spirit is boundless sometimes laying beside me, visiting me while I sleep, make no mistake I’ll weep for you until our souls meet, reunite, right around twilight again.

-Weeping Mother

The Manzanita Tree

Just like anything else change is constant, brother to time.

Didn’t realize how ready I was before I finally claimed mine

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Transition of the Manzanita

Law of attraction, matter less than mind

Evolving as the Manzanita does, my roots continously search for fertile grounds and yet I rise.

Preston Castle & the 5th Day of Detox

Ok ok so I’ve made a decision,  it was a hard decision to make but I’ve decided to discontinue the 21 day detox and focus more on making a lifestyle change commitment. I started being way too hard on myself for all the wrong reasons. [I should probably insert a before and after photo, although  I haven’t taken any yet] I changed the plan to eat clean 6 days out of the week and continue my fitness class at the gym. Plans change all the time, where’s the wrong in that?

Preston Castle in Ione, CA which is about 45 minutes south of Sacramento, hosted a viewing of the Conjuring because it’s, or it was Friday the 13th.

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I only went for free movie passes to the newest Conjuring premiering next month, but I always enjoy visiting. It’s the energy of the castle that draws you into it. It definitely is a place where energy from Spirit is felt. I went with my cousin where we met up with my twin,  yes I am a twin.

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Yep, obviously NOT identical.

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Not sure where I’m going next with my thoughts but what I will say is that I didn’t fail my plan, I just modified it.

4th Day of Cleansing Detox: Struggling to Stay “Clean”

Optimism

is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.

-Helen Keller

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The fight is worth its reward.

I’m overwhelmed with grief, homework, fighting resisting “good food”, and this soreness, yet I push forward…

17 days remaining….

Death, Fitness, and Spirituality

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Death is a transition of physical to non-physical and although I know this, I accept this, it still hurts. Ending one chapter and beginning a new page is difficult but definitely doable. So I spend my time in the gym, sweating out the sweat my body happily releases, just like the tears my eyes so easily create rivers for this drought of a heart I possess. So I push forward,  it’s hard,  it hurts,  but I keep going. Believing in something more,  something more that gives some sort of explanation or a sense of peace,  that’s spirituality. Combine the three together and I’m finding…… a restructured me.

Oh yeah and this 21 day detox of no sugar natural or processed, is atrocious… on my 3rd day and I wanna give up and go grab some McDonalds lovely salted fries… but I have my fitness circuit class to attend in a few… I think I’ll pass, 18 days and counting… a revamped me.